As I sit here in your nursery trying to find more things I can organize or label (your dad definitely thinks I'm overkill at this point...), I'm realizing your arrival is slowly creeping up on me. I've organized pretty much every inch of this house and yet, I still don't feel ready. I have yet to pack a hospital bag or install the car seat much to your dad's dismay. I know you don't care, or won't for a while or possibly ever, but I did my best to make our home as comfortable as possible for you (while I continue to order last minute items from Amazon). If I'm going to be honest, I'm so scared for what life will be like once you're here. I never really knew if I was cut out for this mom role. I read 20 pages into a parenting book and my anxiety grew so I shoved it to the back of the bookshelf and I haven't touched it since. The one thing that does calm my anxiety is rocking in the glider in your room while reading the wonderful books you've been gifted by friends and family. You gave your dad and I a real, genuine surprise when you decided to enter our lives last year, but the best blessings tend to shake up your world when you least expect it. Although there have been a few hiccups along the way, all three of us have managed to stand stronger than ever.
These past eight months have flown by and have given your dad and I so much clarity on life. You rocked our world when we first found out we were pregnant and then the doctors rocked our world a few weeks later when we found out you were diagnosed with Down syndrome. We cried because we were scared and we didn't know what to do or who to turn to. You were "different" in a world full of normalcy, but that is what we've come to know as beautiful and perfect. You see, the world may be normal, but it is not perfect. In fact, it's pretty f'ed up in my opinion. Having someone like you enter this world gives me hope for the future. Let me make one thing loud and clear though, this condition does not define you. It only enhances your unique abilities and assets to this world. You are a living, breathing human being who is capable of anything this life has to offer. Don't ever allow yourself to think otherwise. Kindness and truth rushed over your dad and I like rain during a dry spell once we understood the role and purpose we now play in this life: to raise an awesome human being who I know deep down is going to change the world (and already has in so many ways). There's something special about you that I can't deny. I've had multiple dreams about your accomplishments in life and whether they turn out to be true your presence in all of them was uncanny and pure happiness for me.
We have a lot to figure out together, but please know that I will always be your number one supporter. It's my promise to you to never allow myself or anyone else to say you can't do something. It's my hope for you that you will never back down from achieving your dreams. Embrace what makes you different. Spread love and kindness even if it is sometimes not received back, and never give up on the good that still remains in this world. I may not know what I'm doing in this mother role all the time, but I do know your potential in this life and I'm here to help you reach great heights (and beyond). It won't always be easy, but I know it will be worth it. You were meant to shine so don't ever let anyone dull your bright light. It has already begun to shine over our family and friends which makes our hearts so happy. If there is anything you take away from this letter, please know you are our greatest gift and never let a day go by without understanding your value to us and to the world that surrounds you.
We love you unconditionally and cannot wait to watch you grow and thrive. Thank you for allowing us to be your parents.
Love you a bushel and a peck,
Photos provided by the incredibly talented Sloan Photography.